Saturn in Scorpio, a personal story
Wherever the planet Saturn is by transit, shows where you need to buck up, take responsibility and face your fear in that area of life. Saturn is the planet that the ancients perceived as the boundary of our Solar System- so it represents the frame of our tangible existence.
Depending on the foundation of that frame, when today’s Saturn in the sky makes a geometric position to its placement at your birth, you may find yourself stretching to maximum potential or razing what you’d already built. (I used to find it peculiar that to “raze” a building meant to tear it down, when it sounded like “raise” up).
Yet through coming to terms with Saturn (a.k.a. Lord Karma) I now understand that to lift oneself up to a higher plane usually means putting to rest that which no longer can stand. When that Saturn cycle involves the sign of Scorpio, the feeling or experience of Death is exponential. This is not simply a cool decision to tear down something which has outworn it’s purpose, it is also coupled with irretrievable loss.
When I first experienced my Saturn return (28-30 years of age… a pivotal time for all of us), not only did I go through divorce, but an avalanche of grief, shame, guilt and fear. My ex-husband also has Saturn in Scorpio, so it was not a picnic for either of us. Our separation occurred right after Labor Day so the holidays loomed with inescapable force.
Science continues to learn how emotional pain causes physical pain. I well recall that visceral experience. I chose to spend Christmas with friends in the country, rather than with my parents, which they found incomprehensible. My thoughts were only on my survival. When someone is the direct recipient of pain, their needs come first. Because I addressed my needs with a surgeon’s precision, there is not a shard of pain left from that time.
I learned that grief is not only the loss of the beloved, whether a person, a dream, financial solvency or personal status, but it is the loss of an aspect of Self. I no longer was the person I had been with my ex-husband. Although for me that was a good thing, it created a frightening cavern of the unknown. I had to climb out of it to find who I was without that identification. This is the experience of razing a part of Self to raise another.
Saturn in Scorpio has been working on me again this year, and it has been as I expected, a painful experience. Not as raw as that first time, because I can cope far more effectively. We astrologers do believe “forewarned is forearmed” but although it prepares us, it does not insulate us from the journey.
However painful the loss of my father to dementia has been for me, it nowhere compares to my mother’s experience. I held her hand the other day as she told me how much she dreads the upcoming holidays. I knew instantly what she meant because of my experience, although of course it is not the same.
We will do our best to surround her with love. My mother’s task is to build a life separate from my father which at 85, is a daunting proposition. I cannot rush in babbling about meditation and mindfulness; I listen and I gently encourage her to take care of herself.
To find magic and beauty in each day can seem an impossible feat for the inconsolable; yet it is faith that keeps us going, even when we no longer believe. Often the hope that carries us to the other side, comes from another source.
There would have been a very different outcome for George Bailey, had he not encountered the angel Clarence. The reason “It’s a Wonderful Life” has touched so many people is that many relate to a character within the film.
Nothing lasts forever. The excruciating moments do pass, as do the moments of exhilaration.
Once again I face a holiday with sadness; our family gathers as my father fades. Yet sadness does not have to dominate the day. There is the pleasure in the company of loved ones, humorous stories of the past and the joy of sharing a fragrant pie. I am grateful for the tools that allow me to appreciate what I have, instead of obsessing on what I don’t.
It is my heartfelt wish that your day of thanks be full of the reminders of what a gift of life you have and what a gift you are to those you touch.
Have you ever felt like George Bailey?
Have you ever been the well-meaning Clarence?
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The Overview: Saturn in Scorpio