Nov 25, 2013

Posted in Pay Attention to Life's Symbols | 2 Comments

Saturn in Scorpio, a personal story

saturn in scopio _ razeWherever the planet Saturn is by transit, shows where you need to buck up, take responsibility and face your fear in that area of life. Saturn is the planet that the ancients perceived as the boundary of our Solar System- so it represents the frame of our tangible existence.

Depending on the foundation of that frame, when today’s Saturn in the sky makes a geometric position to its placement at your birth, you may find yourself stretching to maximum potential or razing what you’d already built. (I used to find it peculiar that to “raze” a building meant to tear it down, when it sounded like “raise” up).

Yet through coming to terms with Saturn (a.k.a. Lord Karma) I now understand that to lift oneself up to a higher plane usually means putting to rest that which no longer can stand. When that Saturn cycle involves the sign of Scorpio, the feeling or experience of Death is exponential. This is not simply a cool decision to tear down something which has outworn it’s purpose, it is also coupled with irretrievable loss.

When I first experienced my Saturn return (28-30 years of age… a pivotal time for all of us), not only did I go through divorce, but an avalanche of grief, shame, guilt and fear. My ex-husband also has Saturn in Scorpio, so it was not a picnic for either of us. Our separation occurred right after Labor Day so the holidays loomed with inescapable  force.

Science continues to learn how emotional pain causes physical pain. I well recall that visceral experience. I chose to spend Christmas with friends in the country, rather than with my parents, which they found incomprehensible. My thoughts were only on my survival. When someone is the direct recipient of pain, their needs come first. Because I addressed my needs with a surgeon’s precision, there is not a shard of pain left from that time.

I learned that grief is not only the loss of the beloved, whether a person, a dream, financial solvency or personal status, but it is the loss of an aspect of Self. I no longer was the person I had been with my ex-husband. Although for me that was a good thing, it created a frightening cavern of the unknown. I had to climb out of it to find who I was without that identification. This is the experience of razing a part of Self to raise another.

Saturn in Scorpio has been working on me again this year, and it has been as I expected, a painful experience. Not as raw as that first time, because I can cope far more effectively. We astrologers do believe “forewarned is forearmed” but although it prepares us, it does not insulate us from the journey.

However painful the loss of my father to dementia has been for me, it nowhere compares to my mother’s experience. I held her hand the other day as she told me how much she dreads the upcoming holidays. I knew instantly what she meant because of my experience, although of course it is not the same.

We will do our best to surround her with love. My mother’s task is to build a life separate from my father which at 85, is a daunting proposition. I cannot rush in babbling about meditation and mindfulness; I listen and I gently encourage her to take care of herself.

saturn in scorpio_ george

To find magic and beauty in each day can seem an impossible feat for the inconsolable; yet it is faith that keeps us going, even when we no longer believe. Often the hope that carries us to the other side, comes from another source.

There would have been a very different outcome for George Bailey, had he not encountered the angel Clarence. The reason “It’s a Wonderful Life” has touched so many people is that many relate to a character within the film.

Nothing lasts forever. The excruciating moments do pass, as do the moments of exhilaration.

Once again I face a holiday with sadness; our family gathers as my father fades. Yet sadness does not have to dominate the day. There is the pleasure in the company of loved ones, humorous stories of the past and the joy of sharing a fragrant pie. I am grateful for the tools that allow me to appreciate what I have, instead of obsessing on what I don’t.

It is my heartfelt wish that your day of thanks be full of the reminders of what a gift of life you have and what a gift you are to those you touch.

Have you ever felt like George Bailey?

Have you ever been the well-meaning Clarence?

©Cucinell 2013- all rights reserved

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Past Posts:

Bon Voyage, Saturn in Libra- uh, oh- Saturn in Scorpio

The Overview: Saturn in Scorpio

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  1. hey everybody .i also have saturn in scorpio conjunct pluto in libra both in my 9th house. i’ve always felt misunderstood because “i knew’ so much and couldn’t explain how or why i knew things about people. it was like i had previously lived those experiences that made me ” guess’ things about people i never even met before. but this “previously gained” experience also helped me in my job, because my employers were convinced i had worked several years before in the field i first had a job ( tourism, 9th house ). I was hired as a manager ( saturn ) on my first job. the second job offer was also related somehow to the 9th house ( media, but higher education ) and my 3rd job is also related to the 9th house, this time i work for a foreign company. all 3 companies were convinced i was perfect for the job because i had experience but i had none :)) all i did was talk to them using my perception, intuition and logic….and i guess it worked …. If i think about betrayal…hmmm, i wasn’t a victim of it during my life, but for sure i was the one that betrayed everybody’s confidence. I wasn’t capable of keeping a committment and i’m still not ( saturn isn’t very stable in scorpio and wants only power even if it means crossing limits ).
    Faith J. Blanchard recently posted..No last blog posts to return.

    • Pamela Cucinell says:

      Thank you for your personal comment, Faith. It’s interesting to isolate one planet or aspect and use that as a platform for exploration, but in order to fully stretch into understanding, it begs looking around the whole chart. There’s always a thread that wants to be followed – the horoscope is a circle after all and by looking at the whole it paints a picture of the dimensional individual.

      Wherever we have Saturn natally shows where our inherent fear lives- for example, in Scorpio it has to do with deep merger, intimacy (and the most intimate act is not sex but sharing money/resources). We call Saturn “Lord Karma” because it indicates past life information that haunts us in this lifetime- since your Saturn is in Scorpio, we go to Pluto (which you state is Libra the sign of relationship). I would follow the thread further to see your Mars (Scorpio’s co-ruler) and Venus (the planet connected with Libra)… the waters always go deeper and deeper….

      Saturn is stable wherever it is- that’s its nature. Yet all great warriors know that what we fear most is also our teacher. Arguably Scorpio might be one of the greatest teachers.

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